Trust me, I wanted to write something more uplifting and positive
Pen a note for the incredible and inspiring women I have met,
I’ll do that too.
But yesterday at the beach came a rude reminder
So just being happy for a day
Felt quite shallow and not very authentic.
Alone or in numbers
I like to think of myself and my friends
as strong and independent women.
I wonder if it is just an illusion?
Even in a group,
The chill was real
And the moment quite stark
Which showed how little power we had,
How little we have advanced.
Lack of power translated into a split second decision
Must say reflexes are quite well-acquainted and oriented
To not put up a brave front, be realistic and
Instead be ready to run.
The more I unpack,
I understand I need to fully absorb and move on
I know what has happened in the past can't be undone
But I can’t help but ask how much more is yet to come?
Is this also like building a muscle?
Increasing endurance so more such instances I can handle?
Just like navigating a traffic jam
Constantly switching between clutch and accelerator
To a point that it becomes quite natural and mechanical?
Because if this is going to continue
perhaps its better to just be numb?
But am I succumbing to fear
or is it a coping mechanism?
Multiple times across multiple contexts, nationalities and locations,
Staying out of my country just for one and half years,
I know first hand that the problem is quite universal.
And if this the state of educated, empowered women
lets not even get started about majority of women across the world.
The memories might slowly fade,
But some remnants will always remain
I imagine how it could have been way worse
Wonder how it will linger and manifest in other situations.
Not surprising I feel much safer in nature
Whether climbing mountains or in the open sea
Fully aware that she too can be a ruthless killer,
That when I enter, it might be my last adventure.
But there is peace and satisfaction in knowing
That my fate is not determined
By another human’s entitlement.
I wonder is it worth being brave?
(And I hate to say this but)
I sometimes ask myself -
Is it worth being a woman?
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