The journey with the one thing that keeps me sane and centered
When I was younger (and way more flexible) I found yoga very slow and boring. I didn't understand the focus on the breath and it felt forced. Plus, whenever I tried to join a yoga session in the park or anywhere else, I felt like a misfit. The kids were lured by 'better concentration', 'sharper memory' for doing well in exams etc. especially class 10 and 12th. There used to be special sessions for that
(all that hype for Boards, if you know, you know)
Perhaps also because I attended with my mom and way before it became an 'in', fitness thing, the sessions were mostly geared towards often weight loss, back pain, joints, managing thyroid - something I could not relate to back then and that coloured and reduced my idea of yoga - that it was a remedy or natural way of reducing pain and (I know this sounds naïve and ignorant) thus meant for older people or as a way to do better in exams. At least this was how it was marketed in my mind. So while I encouraged my mom to do it and marveled at her flexibility, I could not get myself to do it.
I do remember having fun in the laughter sessions though - the one time it didn't matter how bad the person cracking the jokes was because everyone would laugh anyway! and I would laugh with (and at them), I somehow I found it very amusing to see people try to laugh and make a serious, concerted, sometimes strained effort because it was good for their lungs. It reminded me of Raavana (a character from Indian Mythology with ten heads and thunderous laugh).
While most people's favourite part was the Shava Asana (or Corpse pose - a relaxing posture, in which they would often go to sleep), it was the most difficult for me. It felt like an eternity and I would try to cheat and open my eyes just a little bit, enough to see if others had gotten up and still not be caught by the instructor. While I would be wiggling, trying to save myself from mosquitoes in the park without moving much, people seemed to be loving it!
But many years later I came back to it, more by circumstance than by choice. I had started running long distance and after my first half marathon I got an IT band, commonly called runner's knee and realized body conditioning and flexibility was essential. And it was a harsh reality check and took a moment to accept that I wasn't as flexible and that I would have to work towards something I took for granted earlier.
The physical element was one part, which was still engaging because I had the goal of becoming more flexible and less injury prone but being still was a different ball game altogether.
The first time I sat to meditate was like a battle - I was not supposed to think, but thoughts were whirring in my head more than ever.
Okay maybe let them pass, focus on breath, imagine a waterfall, manifest positive thoughts but all the things I had to do, the person's name I was forgetting, the place where I had lost a thing few weeks back all came at once. In short, nothing worked. Never mind the revolting body, which was wanting to get out of it ASAP.
The very brief moments of stillness and slight improvement in flexibility helped me hang on to it. It took time but slowly, it grew on me and even the physical form of yoga became much deeper and intentional. But it took some time and practice to come to a point to actually enjoy it and feel the difference.
As much as I know and have experienced the benefits and lightness by practicing it, I still do slip for a few weeks, sometimes even months and it takes some more effort to regain the momentum and flow. And I can come up with 100 reasons or excuses - schedule, travel, meal timings, other activities, bad time management etc etc. But the truth is if I make it a non-negotiable, I will figure out a way to make it work.
So, I made a commitment to myself - do at least 30 mins of yoga everyday for the next 365 days starting today. The hope is I am addicted enough to continue after that. I am sharing it in public to increase self-accountability, lets see if it works :p)
Anyone wants to join?
(I don't know about you, but I am damn sure my mom would love reading this, shrug her shoulders, 'I told you all those years back and you didn't listen!')
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